Anxiety and swearing

This is fucking ridiculous.

Every single time I try to leave the house, I have to change fourteen fucking times. I can't wear jeans. I can't wear tight tee shirts that show off my curves. I can't wear socks most days. I end up looking super frumpy. I can't wear bras with underwire to hold up my boobs. I can't wear regular tee shirts because they're too tight. I can't look nice when I go to church. And that's bullshit.

The BRAND SPANKING NEW jeans I own don't fit right. The legs are too tight and the waist is too high. I tried them on in the store. They were awesome. Tell me, American clothing designers, in what insane world is it right for you to decide that high waist jeans are great for women with a tummy? It creates that much-avoided muffin top for any woman who is willing to squeeze into this shit. And then you give us shit for having a roll or two fall out of our jeans. What the fuck is wrong with you? Not only is the muffin top gross to look at, it's fucking painful, too. For any woman who has some left over skin from carrying a child for 40+ weeks (or any weeks, for that matter) it fucking HURTS to have a two inch band of inyeilding denim shoved into your midsection with every turn. Forget sitting down. I want jeans that sit at my hips. AT MY HIPS. With a stretchy waist band. That make my ass look amazing, thus making me feel like a million bucks. Fuck you, I'll make them myself.

Bra makers: Sister sizes are bull shit. There is more that goes into the right fit of a supportive bra than cup size and band size, too. Some women's boobs are closer together than others, this the "bridge" needs to be narrower. My breasts, in particular, carry most of their mass throughout the breast, not spread out over my chest. A large cup doesn't always mean a wide frame. Nor does FF mean that I need a size 82 band. Fuck you. I'll buy my bras from Sweden. Assholes. I've read a few studies that say I don't really NEED the support anyway.

People who see me wearing yoga pants and flip flops ANYWHERE: Accept it. Take off your jeans that give you that uncomfortable wedgie and join me in the revolution.

Teenagers gawking at me at church/beach/grocery store: Close your mouth. This body built a baby. This body can also whoop your ass and your momma's too. This body also belongs to a model and paid musician. This body is a temple to the Lord. Your comments and thoughts are synonymous with burning down a church. Get your head and heart right.

To the family members that called me fat and ugly all my life: fuck you. Just. FUCK. YOU.

Week 8 of P90X3

If you didn't read the title, why are you here?

I'm now going to start week 8 of P90X3. I think I've actually gained weight since starting this program in February, the scale says I'm at 200 pounds. It's not exactly encouraging... but I'm going to stick with the program because I'm seeing results!

My booty is a lot firmer and more defined. My legs don't have as many "fat lumps" and my arms are a bit more toned. I have a line running from the front of my bra band down to my belly button, and it's not linea negra! My mommy tummy is getting smaller and I can feel my ab muscles when I flex. My bras are looser in the band and they're starting to stab me in the worst places -- not exactly the best result of working out, but hey. I've been living in sports bras anyway, I'm starting to think that underwires are meant to kill us.

My feet!!! Oh my gosh, my feet. I've been going through this program barefoot. Yes. Completely barefoot. Tony's been saying "you need good court shoes," sorry, bud, I can't afford to get new shoes right now. The plus side? My feet look awesome! My ankles aren't swollen and I think my arches are getting stronger. My feet are starting to look like the "three hour a day yoga" guy's feet. I know, I know, it's kind of dangerous. But I've been very careful with my landings when I'm jumping and I work out on a 5mm yoga mat every day.

I have to go now, my daughter's head is spinning because she's bored with Daddy and this is the second blog I've updated today.

I got glitter star stickers to put on my X3 calendar to keep myself motivated. Yay!!